As Soon As I Got My Shit Together...

I became pregnant and life took a 180 degree turn :)

Photo from last night, 16 weeks and 5 days. Tired and happy.

Photo from last night, 16 weeks and 5 days. Tired and happy.

Baby Hall is due January 17, 2020 and we could not be more excited. I am feeling SO blessed and happy and eager to meet our baby! We find out the sex on August 19, and I’m especially looking forward to that. In the meantime, I’m trying to “embrace the mystery” and enjoy these early pregnancy moments.

Here’s what’s been on my mind during my 3(!) month blogging hiatus:

Back at the Healing Game

Shortly after we found out I was pregnant, my healthy habits took a nosedive. The first trimester is ROUGH. Not so much throwing up, but a lot of nausea and fatigue. Naps were, and still are, a must. My healthy eating went out the window because stepping in the kitchen and smelling the kitchen-y smells made me sick. So, I stopped cooking. Plus, I wanted all the carbs. Enter: bagels, fried chicken, and french fries galore. Goldfish, cheese crackers… I craved everything I loved eating as a child. That is, nothing green!

Working from home so frequently due to the fatigue, with zero energy to keep up with the house, coupled with the poor eating and dip in exercise, lead to a dip in my mental health that I am still trying to work past.

Entering the second trimester was somewhat of a fresh start for me. I told Nick that I am ready to enjoy this baby and this pregnancy, so that’s what I’ve been focusing on doing!

One thing that has helped is that my mom gave us the WONDERFUL gift of a monthly deep cleaning cleaning service. So, the house is sparkly, the fridge and pantry are clean, and that does make me feel better. I’ve cooked some meals and am seeing some friends again. I also got some maternity clothes which has been AWESOME because I feel less like a “fat girl in normal clothes” and more like a like a “glowing goddess of fertility.”

But I’m Still Not Back To “Normal”

In fact, NORMAL will never return for me. And that has been harder to accept than I’d like to admit. I have to define a NEW normal for myself. And that is what I am struggling with. I feel like I KNOW what my old normal was. It was being on my Medical Medium grind, working out 5x a week, working hard at my job, seeing friends every weekend, doing chores every night…I knew what standard I needed to hold myself to, and I did it.

Now, I feel like I’ve been backsliding from all of the HARD WORK I’ve done on myself the past few years. Old thought patterns are returning. I’m struggling with body confidence, trusting my intuition, focusing on work, feeling like I am a good wife, acting like I am a good friend, actually being good to MYSELF….

I guess what I am struggling with most is the fact that Health is not linear. Just because I had it “all figured out” (or so I thought) pre-pregnancy, doesn’t mean I can simply build a new human life ontop of that and chug along merrily. I had to enter “survival mode” for 3 months (hence, no blogging), and now I am digging myself out of that hole and trying to make my way back into thriving. But first, I must once again define what thriving means to me.

Because my priorities are changing.

Because my emotions and body are more fragile.

Right Now, Thriving Means…

Preparing my mind & body for a midwife-assisted homebirth. I’m currently reading Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth and finding it incredibly encouraging.

Meeting regularly with my midwife, focusing on eating properly & getting 80(!) grams of protein a day for baby.

Loosening up my hips, which a masseuse last year described as having “only 40% mobility”. I’ve started seeing a chiropractor for the tight hips and that is helping me a lot.

Getting rest. Napping daily.

Getting in gentle exercise. Walks, yoga, and swims in our pool.

Bonding with baby. Nick is so sweet and naturally rubs my belly, talks to baby, rests his head there. I naturally rub my belly a lot and it’s been amazing to feel the kicks. But I tend to assume that baby can just “read my thoughts” but um… I don’t think that’s how this actually works. So I’ve been making a point to talk to baby more and that has helped with bonding a lot. Again, reminder to self: pregnant, not fat!

Preparing out house for baby. We are completely re-arranging our bedroom to fit a crib on my side, bought new nightstands, craigslisted a dresser, getting a glider and wallpaper and a mobile, and registering and craigslisting for all of the STUFF that babies need.

…and fitting the rest in where i can. you know what? work can deal. the house can deal. my friends and family can deal. our budget can deal.

Life Goes On

Inside of me, in fact. And i’m not going to lie, it’s pretty freaking amazing.